Monthly Archives: March 2015

How to make Four Grown Mistresses Giggle like School Girls….

The answer is: take them on an outing to see the most talked about film of the year so far, “50 Shades of Grey”. My good colleagues Mistress Alice Malice, Lady Lola, Mistress Akella and I could not stop laughing from the moment Anastasia, the virgin heroine of this sorry saga, did a comedy fall into the office and evil lair of billionaire and sexual sadist, Christian Grey who promptly informs her, with all the subtlety of a sledge hammer, that he enjoys “taking control in all things”.

Mr Grey engages in some moody staring whilst Annatasia takes her kit off which pretty well sums things up!

Mr Grey engages in some moody staring whilst Annatasia takes her kit off which pretty well sums things up!

Matters did not improve both in terms of the film or the borderline hysterical behaviour. As the Mills and Boons-esque cliques relentlessly continued and Annatasia is given an improbable number of exotic air travel experiences and orgasms, I spilt my gin and tonic and Lady Lola choked on her popcorn. We did feel a little bad at first that the barely contained guffaws might be disturbing the reverential silence of genuine fans of the trilogy, but soon the rest of the audience was tittering away also.

So does this film have anything to merit it other than being unintentionally rather amusing? My conclusion is very little. It is essentially a bodice ripper with some handcuffs and spanking thrown in for a little extra frisson. Though the sex scenes were very well and sensitively shot, as were the activities that took place in the Red Room of Pain (these scenes also had the distinct advantage of no-one saying anything!) The Red Room of Pain itself was also very aesthetically pleasing and Mr Grey had some rather exquisite implements. He didn’t seem to know what to do with them, however. Mr Grey’s backhand whipping technique was most bizarre and seemed to require a level of exertion where 6 of the best left him dripping in sweat. Perhaps he should drop round in his helicopter some times and I will give him some tips!

Nice crop, shame Mr Grey doesn't know what to do with it....

Nice crop, shame Mr Grey doesn’t know what to do with it….


Miss Myers returns

As you may have noticed the Miss Myers blog has been a little neglected in 2015. I have not had the best start to the year, as some of you are aware. I have been really rather unwell. There were even a couple of weeks in January of the when I lost all desire to do cruel things to testicles, which gives you some indication of the gravity of the situation!

However, I am now very much on the mend and am increasingly feeling in the mood to rant about all sorts of things. Particularly the travesty which is 50 Shades of Grey the film . I am going to see this on Wednesday (for research purposes only of course!). Once I have recovered from the trauma I am sure I shall share my thoughts. However for now I would like to share with the latest Private Eye cover which made me chuckle.